If I Weren't Already a Christian...

Now online, the Holy Book of Bacon provides guidance for all seekers of Baconlightenment, beginning with the Five Baconic Laws:

• Thou shalt not consider Bacon on the same level as any other food, as it is above all.
  
• Thou shalt not consume imitation Bacon.
  
• Thou shalt not stop pursuing Baconlightenment until it is reached.
  
• Thou shalt not forget to consume Bacon for ten days.
  
• Thou shalt spread the word of Bacon to all.
  

And behold, it was good and crispy.